"Ruin is the road to transformation" - E. Gilbert
Last night's meltdown was dramatic and long awaited. In retrospect, most of my life has been comprised of similar events. Which brings me to my point: no matter how many "self-help" books I read, and how much I study psychology in a partially vain effort to figure myself out, I will be stuck on this rickety, treadmill until I learn to and can fully (to my ability) accept myself.
I know, I know. Obviously not groundbreaking. But in the wee hours of this morning as I panicked about what my future may not hold and looked into the mirror and saw a face swollen with fear to the point of masking my natural ethnicity with that of my Asian compadres due to torrential sobbing, it broke my ground.
I will always have meltdowns because it is MY nature. I will always experience my highs like a tsunami and lows crashing from the Empire State building into a sewer hole. I will always have a crabby, bratty streak to balance my empathic ears. I will always have an element of impulsiveness to challenge my yearning for stability.
Because this is me. And I can curb my cravings and endeavor to match the solidity of a bonsai. But I will accept my volatile nature. And learn to appreciate it.