Uno Momento

Holy guacamole. I didn't realize it had been such a minute since my last post. I can't lie- I haven't even thought about writing in here :(

This whole work thing? It's hard to get adjusted to. Especially when you are developing a program, calendar, and the rules. You'd think it'd be easier that way.

Plus. This is my fourth week and I'm still constantly exhausted despite eating a healthy diet. It seems my health has actually deteriorated.

And I think I know why: how do you deal with an intolerable coworker? I am pretty positive this person is the sole reason for my added stress, exhaustion, mood swings, and anything else negative going on with me? (In all sincerity this person is that bad- no scapegoating here).

Any tips or suggestions for how to deal with this person? If it's any help, it's a no-it-all-never-shuts-their-mouth type... I've started to TRY to work on myself more because we all know you can't change someone else, but it's taking up the last bit of energy I have left :(

Working girl

Schedules: I'm good at making work-related ones, but I can't figure out how to make a personal one.

When I read about people "scheduling themselves in" I scoffed. PFT! I don't need to schedule myself in! I do what I want when I want!


Apparently, that train of thought wasn't entirely accurate. At least not at this moment of my life. For example: I tell myself I'll wake up early to go for a jog, but that doesn't happen. And after work is a definite no-go. I say I'm going to dedicate time to write at least a decent paragraph daily. Not to mention I need to lean basic French by September somehow

Maybe I'm being prematurely hard on myself? (Sure...) Should I wait a full month before I worry about my personal goals?

Do you have any tips on how to prioritize your personal life? How to reach your own goals, even if it involves small steps at a time?

You're a good man, Charlie Brown

Is it too early to start complaining about my new job?

Complain isn't the right word per say. More like a misunderstanding due to miscommunication a top my already gloomy demeanor is resulting in a lot of whining and questioning on my part.

I don't grumble this much out loud or in "real life". In fact, that's the problem. It stays bottled up until I explode and viscously lash out at unsuspecting victims. And then I feel bad and apologize despite really meaning what I say. And start bottling things up again etcetcetc.

So despite this bloggy-whineyness, I believe it is best to get it out one way or another .

After all, all this growing up stuff means I can't keep throwing temper-tantrums, right?



How do you release your thoughts & emotions without hurting others and/or appearing overly negative?Please share your thoughts!

Alas, I am still alive. (Or am I?)

Here I am, a week later. Full of sleepiness. Full of excuses. Full of definitely not myself.

But I do have a good reason for my absence. Two Saturdays ago I received a call at 11 am.

I was offered a job. And I took it. Without thinking (much).

They wanted me to start ASAP, which meant this Monday. But due to my last remaining graduate school final, I started Tuesday after signing the papers officially on Monday- after said final.

I didn't want to announce anything to anyone before I signed the HR papers. And then I started working and have been so exhausted I completely conk out within minutes of getting home.

So here I am.
After my last graduate school finals.
Before my official graduation.
After my first official week as a Mental Health Counselor.
A few days before my 24th birthday.
First time on the computer since last Saturday (no lie).
Completely pooped- physically, mentally, spiritually.

And here I go. To sleep. Before 9 PM on a Friday night. And I have no problem admitting that.

Faithfully F

Faithfully frazzled that is. The past few days have been an absolute blur- I can't even remember what I did Tuesday but I remember frantically flying through the city. Yesterday involved a long, long, job interview process which ended with me most likely getting a job. Point being, I've been so busy I've barely even opened my computer because the few moments I've had to relax I've spent them vertically with eyes closed. (AKA sorry for not getting around to blogs)

Faith is a tricky subject for me. And I'm not necessarily speaking to the religious and spiritual aspects of it but rather faith in myself and those closest to me. Until recently, I had never quite correlated the idea of confidence and faith as synonymous. But they are.

And it ties into the idea of accepting oneself. Right now, I'm on the precipice of several things and if I miscalculate my moves I'll waver and crash head first into an eight ounce glass of water without the freedom to wiggle. Trying to manage the last five (hopefully) stressful weeks of graduate school in order to graduate on my 24th birthday, searching for a job within my field, balancing my needs for financial security with the needs of Jonathan at this phase in his life, and family.

I'm weary of not choosing the right path per say. But on some level, I've managed to create a sense of faith in myself. Maybe because I have the avid support of friends and family; they've managed to instill this loving security blanket around me. But at the same time, I've realized I've yet to drastically misstep in my life.

I've blundered a bit, but I've bounced back harder. So if I slip and flail through the air, I have faith there will be a trampoline waiting for me at the bottom to ricochet me back towards the sky. Everything happens for a reason.

What do you have faith in?

Internal flooding

Yosemite Sam meets Elephant, Subway art 3/11

What do you think of when looking at this picture?


I originally snapped this flick on the train the other day because I thought it was some kind of cute little creature. I don't remember what mood I was in at the time. Right now, I see a nervous, anxious little critter. Red with nerves, red with embarrassment, and maybe even a little red with anger. Uh, projection much?


It's only been four days since I began my career-quest but I can barely concentrate on anything else. Or rather if my mind does manage to drift, it focuses on feeling stressed about writing another paper and a client intake by Monday.

But when I sit to try to work on these I decide to compulsively check job listings and my nerves grow to such a point that I close out the internet and try reading my references until I realize I've read the same line 10 times and I don't know what I just read and re-open my internet to browse random information like that bing commercial until I decide to get up to get the blood flowing and peek in my kitchen to see what I can eat to keep myself distracted long enough from my own thoughts only to realize nothing has magically appeared in my fridge since I last checked about 5 minutes before so I sit back down to re-read the same scholarly articles and so on. Back and forth, back and forth in pendular motions.

Bladdyblahblah. Maybe! If I talk/write/think about this enough that it will allow the thoughts to avalanche right on out. Flooding! I will flood these negative nuisances right out of my cerebral capacity!



What do you think about when you seen this little creature?

"It is not what you look at that matters, it is what you see" -HDT

There it was: a big, red "REJECTED" stamped across a plain white sheet of paper with my bolded name and contact information in the header followed by a plea for employment. As I looked closer I realized I was not only rejected- I was downright ridiculed with a red finger pointing out at me. The more I kept staring at the sheet of sadness I realized the paper was suddenly talking. That's right, a talking sheet of paper with black-framed glasses and beady eyes not only rebuffing me but calling me out. Telling me, "who do I think I am trying to apply for professional positions with this excuse of selling yourself !"

My eyes jumped awake as much eyes can possibly actually jump but the room was dark. Reaching for my phone, I realized it was only 3:30 in the morning. I was supposed to sleep until 6:00 and then start working on sending out my resume. That was my plan. That's why I had worked on editing my cover letter the night before.

But at that point I was so paralyzed with fears of inadequacy I immediately propped open my laptop and started editing the letter. Correcting the same lines over and over again. Trying to make myself sound like a viable candidate for otherwise menial positions. At 6:30, I closed my laptop and tried to find some peace with the back of my eyes but I still couldn't. I had developed a cold, nervous sweat despite the open windows blowing in 26 degree snowflakes. Next thing I knew it was 9 am and I could barely move from my bed from panic.

I sent out the first round of applications this morning. And I already received one rejection back. And you know what? It feels as terrible as I had imagined it would despite the respondent wording it nicely. Before I moved to the city, I had applied at literally over 100 random positions. But the rejection didn't phase me- I believed they were the one's losing out.  Now, I feel stupefied. There is too much responsibility riding on these applications.

Now, I'm really a grown-up looking for a grown-up job with my grown-up degrees. The anxiety is overwhelming. I already had one pseudo-seizure/anxiety attack today before coming to class. All my self-soothing methods have failed me, all my classroom learned techniques a flop.

And now? I wait. Just like the thousands of others unemployed Americans.

Universal ethics (?)

Morality. It's one of those concepts that lacks a prescriptive answer. Most of us know the universal taboos. And some of us venture into the negative realms despite knowing better.

While I've been looking through my books and old notes for the sake of writing this paper, I came across some concepts I bolded, capitalized, and underlined all over the place. Why? Because this relatively simple concept does not apply solely to the mental health profession.

Ethically speaking- not legally, we are "required" to take four questions into account when making a serious decision. Looking over the questions I realized how universal they are. Would I not ideally think about these ideas before doing anything rash? Honestly, now I would but 20 year old me probably not so much.

Remley & Herlihy (2010) asks us to consider four self-tests before making a final decision or once it is made:

            1) Think about justice—Would you treat others the same?

            2) Would you suggest someone else to take similar action?

            3) Would you be willing to have others know how you acted?

            4) Do you have lingering feelings of doubt or uncertaininty about what you did?

One of the aspects that initially drew me to psychology way back when was the fact that it's all-embracing knowledge.  I might quadruple my bank account as a business major, but have no idea how to relate to others. Knowing about basic mental processes can be beneficial in any situation: in intimate (or not so much so) relationships, at work, when reading etcetc.

Yes I whine and complain about school sometimes. But I love learning. So I copied these questions down and put them up on my inspiration board. Maybe it'll help me curb the random bursts of selfish jealousy that creep up on me.

Because in al honesty, if I can't apply concepts to my own personal life, how am I supposed to be able to help others with theirs?