Monday, March 07, 2011

“If you're losing your soul and you know it, then you've still got a soul left to lose” -Charles Bukowski

As an imperfect being, we are I'm allowed to be off some days. We are I'm supposed to admit to being fallible. We are I am a walking pendulum.

But today was an extreme. I woke up a grump: I've been waking up by 5:00 AM naturally for the past week despite my efforts of sleeping in until 7:00. I snapped at Jon for taking up space. I roared at my mom for not being able to hear me through a windy phone call. I ridiculed myself at the gym. I whined about having to go to class and see a client.

I felt like Pig-Pen from Charlie Brown. Except the swirl of dirt was more like a shroud of crabbiness. And I could not stand myself.

Every time an outburst would escape, I tried to justify it by saying, "well I'm normally calm and have made so much progress on my overall stubbornness/bratiness/crabbiness I'm allowed to be grumpy some days". I was flaring at others for my own mood. But why the mood? I still have no idea. My afternoon was a bit less dramatic but I can't seem to understand where this explosion was originally lit.

Kind of ironic considering my happiness tips last night. Here's to a better day. Because after all, every day above ground is a good day.


  1. Hope you have a better day tomorrow! Find something to beat for a few minutes and that might take it out of you. (Works for me.)

  2. *Hugs* I hope you feel better. I have days like those, too. I hope you don't mind me sharing with you how I deal with those, but I put myself in time out. With 4 kiddles underfoot, I better or the whole house will implode with Eeyores! Once I'm in the privacy of my bedroom, I drop to my knees and pray to the Lord. I ask him to please remove the darkness in my soul so that I can see the light.

    If there's a seedling of desire to feel happy, it will vanish FAST! If it comes back, I pray again. And again.

    I hope this helps.


    ♥.•*¨ Elizabeth ¨*•.♥

  3. @ Alex, Thank you! I did take out some frustration on a oversized pillow but the cycle kept on...

    @Elizabeth, thank you for the air hug! I like the idea of a "time out". I'll try to implement that next time, though its hard for me to take a step back sometimes. Thanks for the insight :)

  4. Wow, this post totally fits in with the book I've been reading on emotions for my Pathos class. The writer talks quite a bit about receiving emotions from others and making them our own, but having no idea where they originated. Not to say your family is making you cranky, or anything... maybe you had bad dreams?

    Hey, are you on Twitter?

  5. I hope the day gets better, hang in there! It sound like me when I am pmsing.

  6. @Su, Ohhhh what book is that? I think part of it could have been from Jon since he was the crabby one last week! And no, I'm not a twitter-er and proud of it! :)

    @Judy, thanks! I think we all have these cranky spells at some point.